Has your country lost its national pride?
Are your manufacturing industries lagging behind?
Do your citizens resort to deviant behaviors such as volunteerism, protesting, or demanding action from their elected representatives?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you need War!
War is an all-new product from the New Lehman Brothers designed to put the “great” back in “our nation.” Sending brave men and women off to die for a cause that doesn’t directly benefit or harm them is a proven way to boost national morale.
Did you know? “The Star Spangled Banner” was written during a war. In The Bible, war is depicted more than fifty times.
With its sleek, twentieth-century design, War is even more effective than ever. Take a look at some of the new features:
Cyberwarfare: destroy your enemies abilities to communicate, move money, or administer healthcare, electricity, or food all with a few clicks on your computer! With cyberwarfare, you can control another nation’s elections, issue devastating propaganda, and paralyze economic systems, devastating not only soldiers engaged in warfare but everyday citizens too!
Drone Warfare: no more messy, expensive funerals in your national cemeteries! Human soldiers are fussy, with their needs for food, comfort, and psychological care. Robots need none of that! Drone warfare allows robots to plants mines in children’s soccer fields, deliver missiles, and sink boats suspected of carrying enemies of your state.
Worried about your citizens growing idle? Don’t worry! There’s still lots of work for human drones to do, including: report on the terrible atrocities the enemy has committed; cover up the terrible atrocities your robots have committed; pilot the drones committing the terrible atrocities; fire tear gas and rubber bullets into crowds of deviant protesters; generate misinformation campaigns to mislead and distract the general public; and, for the attractive ones, pose nearly naked in humvees with captions like “wish there were more men in my unit.”
War is the number-one proven way to re-energize your country’s national pride. Remember, there’s no “them” without US.